Hang On To Me
by ArentYouSophiaLoren-8887
Summary: Clare and Eli find themselves reaching out to an unexpected person.
1. Reaching Out

**Author's note: So, did anyone else watching All Falls Down Pt.1 suddenly look at Clare and Jenna and think, "what the heck? Why are you friends again?" Well, other than the fact that a load has happened since then and both girls have matured considerably since freshman year, I really wanted more of an explanation as to why they were suddenly friends again. So, I came up with this, for all of you out there who were hoping for a little bit of sweetness between these two ladies. It doesn't exactly fit into episodic canon, but I still wanted to put something out there that shows the mending of the fences. Hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, but I do own what few OCs I have sprinkled here and about. **

**Oh, and PS: reviews MAKE MY DAY. Just go ahead and click on that button. Drop a line or two. Or three. Or four. Or…you know. As many as your little hearts' content. But please review nonetheless.**

Spring was taking its sweet time coming to Toronto this year. Already the second week in April, yet the winter freeze still refused to abate.. The gentle Indian summer they had experienced after an unusually warm June, July, and August had suddenly given way to a fierce autumn chill that left the whole city feeling as bleak and grey as the landscape, and it didn't seem like it was going to relent anytime soon.

Clare leaned with her back against the cold brick wall of Degrassi, staring out at the nearly deserted schoolyard. Not the best day to go bare-legged, she decided, pulling her blue uniform jacket closer to her body as a gust of wind blew across the empty parking lot. As another chilled wind blew through the grey schoolyard, Clare sighed and checked the time on her cell phone. Detention was over in less than ten minutes, and if she didn't see Eli booking it to the door to relieve her of freezing her butt off out here in the cold, then she would…tie him to a chair and force-read him every _Fortnight_ she owned. The thought of it made her grin.

A flash of green made Clare suddenly look up, a shock of color amidst the sterile afternoon. A bright green jacket, with blue jeans and a bright purple bag on the side. It took Clare a second for her eyes to adjust to the sight- like a splash of color on an empty canvas, or a flower blooming through hard concrete- when she realized she was staring at Jenna Middleton's retreating backside.

Even though she didn't want to do it, Clare found herself trying to spot it- the infamous Middleton/Guthrie "baby bump" that had the entire school talking for months now. For the most part, Clare had avoided any talk about it and avoided the gossip, not wanting to get in the middle of the latest school scandal.

Clare wasn't entirely sure what she thought of Jenna at the moment, to be honest. Last year, she had only felt completely betrayed and manipulated. And especially after Jenna had gotten K.C. to use her to cheat…well, let's just say any shred of neutral feelings she might have had towards the two of them still buried inside had pretty much run out the door.

And earlier this year, when Jenna had spread that rumor about her getting the breast augmentation- honestly, Clare Edwards? Getting a boob job?- Clare had pretty much gone from trying to ignore Jenna's existence to making it known that she had absolutely zero respect for her.

It wasn't that she hated Jenna. More like she just wanted her to know that she wasn't worth giving the time of day. Not worth her anger, and definitely not worth her hatred. And at the time, it had made her feel oh so good.

But now…

Now, though time and distance (not to mention Eli, even though it made her blush inside to think that) had shown her that while K.C. would always be her first boyfriend, her first kiss, that part of her life was over. Despite all the drama, she was over it. Life still goes on, and apparently, all three of them- Clare, K.C., and Jenna- all had as well. She had moved on past him, and had grown stronger because of it. She wasn't exactly grateful that she had had her heart broken, but it was more like she was grateful for the lessons she had learned from it. Like who to trust, who not to, and who wasn't worth the love she had inside her to give.

As it turned out, that was a lesson that apparently Jenna had to learn as well.

Clare knew the rumors going around the school. She knew that Jenna was pregnant, and that K.C. was the father. She heard that they hadn't used protection, had gotten stupid, hadn't been safe. And she also knew that Jenna and K.C. were no longer together, and while K.C. was spending more time with Bianca, Fitz, and Owen, Jenna more or less kept to herself.

Previously, Clare would have looked at someone like Jenna and thought that she deserved what she got. She had been to enough Bible studies on human sexuality and had taken enough sex ed courses to understand that if you don't use protection, you have an 85% chance of getting pregnant within a year. Besides, you put yourself at risk for all types of other things other than having a baby- STIs, a hell that Alli had already gone through and still scared Clare to think what might have happened to her friend had things not been in Alli's favor.

"Your bodies may be ready for sex, but that doesn't mean your minds aren't, "Mrs. Sauve had lectured them last year, when they were freshman taking the mandatory Health class required of all Grade Nines. "Just because you think you're ready for sex doesn't mean you actually are. Sex has a lot of consequences. Emotionally, there is a lot wrapped up in sex that you can't really understand until you've made the decision. And of course, there are the physical ones. Pregnancy. STIs. Remember, if you are old enough to make the decision to have sexual intercourse, be sure you're grown up enough to accept the consequences of your decision. It's an adult thing to do, and believe it or not, it has adult consequences."

Which was pretty much the mentality Clare had- if you're grown up enough to have sex, than you're grown up to accept the fact that you might have to deal with a major consequence of it, whether it be a sickness or a baby. And when she had first found out about Jenna's pregnancy, she hadn't had much sympathy.

But the reality of Jenna's situation had changed Clare's outlook. Jenna was all alone in this, and from what Alli had told her, K.C. was refusing to step up at all and help. While Jenna's brother was going to basically parent the child with her, Jenna was going to be a single mom in high school. And when Clare caught sight of Jenna plodding up and down the halls, one hand resting on her huge belly, she couldn't help but feel sympathetic. Life was just so hard sometimes.

A thud of a hard surface hitting concrete and a cuss word carrying through the cold, sharp air caught Clare's attention. Jenna had dropped a textbook and was trying her best to pick it up, awkwardly trying to maneuver around her round belly that no longer allowed her to jackknife at the waist.

Clare jogged across the courtyard to where Jenna was still trying to pick up her fallen geometry book. Without a word, she knelt to the ground, picked it up, and handed it to Jenna.

For a moment, neither said a word.

Jenna could barely meet her eyes. "Thanks," she said awkwardly.

"No problem," Clare replied. She paused for a moment, not knowing what else to do. "How are you feeling these days?"

Pretty stupid question, all things considered. She wasn't sure why she was even asking. Jenna glanced up at her, surprised. Clare was just as surprised as she felt. She wasn't sure why she asked, but it just didn't seem right to leave Jenna standing here all by herself in the cold.

"Pregnant," was the only response she had for Clare, bursting the bubble of silence between them. "I'm as big as a house. I can barely see my feet, I'm waddling down the hallways, my back is killing me, and to make my life even more fun, my backpack strap just broke, so now I have to carry all my stuff in my hands." She paused from her tirade, suddenly looking embarrassed as she hitched her one working backpack strap higher on her shoulders. "Sorry. You didn't come over here to listen to me complain about my own life." Her eyes trailed down to her belly.

Another awkward silence ensued. "So," Clare began, trying to loosen the knot between them, "Are you taking the bus home?"

Jenna shook her head. "No. Kyle was supposed to drive me to my OB-GYN appointment after school, but he couldn't get off of work, and we figured we're going to need all the extra money we can get with the baby coming, so I just said I'd take the bus." She suddenly glanced up at Clare, as if she wasn't entirely sure why she was telling her all of this. She then quickly slid her eyes back to the street.

Clare managed to sidle herself onto the edge of the bench, her bottom barely hanging over the edge. If Jenna was surprised by their suddenly close proximity, she didn't show it.

"How's the baby?" Clare asked abruptly.

"She's fine," Jenna answered, still sounding guarded. Clare couldn't exactly blame her. For awhile, the two girls sat in silence, Jenna still staring listlessly into the street and Clare looking down at her hands in her lap like there was something interesting there.

"Why are you talking to me?" Jenna asked, breaking the heavy silence between them.

"I don't know," Clare confessed. She didn't really have an answer for herself, either.

Jenna glanced up at her, surprised. Clare was just as surprised as she felt. She wasn't sure why she asked- it wasn't like she really cared- but it just didn't seem right to leave Jenna sitting here all by herself at this bus stop in the cold.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," Clare said finally.

Jenna's eyes widened in disbelief. "Why?" she asked, truly confused. "You hate me."

Clare had a response in her head, but when she opened her mouth, she was surprised by what came slipping out.

"I don't have you, Jenna."

For a moment, their eyes met, and everything that had ever happened between the two of them hung in the inches of air between them.

"Well," Jenna said, "If I were you, I'd hate me."

"Well," Clare countered, "I'm not you."

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Luckily," she said dryly, glancing down at her belly. Unconsciously, Clare's did, too. Jenna placed a hand on it, sighing. "Looks like some good came out of me taking K.C. away from you. You definitely dodged a bullet here."

Clare was positive she never would have slept with K.C., but thought it was best to not get into that right now.

Jenna, however, seemed to read her thoughts. "Not that you would have done what I did. You would have been smart and used protection. Not been a moron like me. Or just not would have had sex at all. You're so smart, Clare-Bear. And a good girl. Not a stupid slut like me." Jenna's head hung down. "I'm so, so sorry, Clare. I never should have hurt you like that. I guess this is the universe's way of telling me I got what I deserved. Karma's a bitch, right?" Her voice cracked, and suddenly tears spilled over, quietly rolling down her face like they were in a race. Clare was reminded briefly of the way raindrops seemed to race each other down the glass of a car window, coursing down in a kamikaze flight.

Clare opened her mouth to respond, then promptly closed it again. Here Jenna was saying exactly what Clare had wanted her to say last year. She got just what she had wanted so badly back then, but now, watching Jenna sit here and cry at this dingy bus stop, one hand over her pregnant belly and her smudged mascara giving her the look of a blonde raccoon, it was too pathetic to give her any type of gratification. Instead, it made her feel vaguely sick.

She slid an arm around Jenna's shoulders. "You're not a slut," she murmured.

Jenna sniffed loudly. "Then at the very least, I'm a huge backstabbing bitch." Her voice broke again, and she started crying anew, her body wracking with silent sobs.

Clare didn't know what else to do, so she just kept an arm around Jenna, squeezing her shoulder as the girl that had broken her heart almost a year ago sobbed, heartbroken herself, on her shoulder. It was a little much to take in at the moment, so for awhile the two of them just sat there, Clare holding Jenna in a daze of disbelief.

After awhile, when Jenna's sobbing had slowed down, Clare jumped up from her perch on the end of the bench. "Come on," she told Jenna. "We're getting out of here."

Jenna glanced up at her. "I have my OB-GYN appointment."

"Then we'll take you there," Clare replied. "Just come with me. I can't just leave you here and know you'll be okay."

"You don't have to do that, Clare."

"I know, but…I want to." From the look on Jenna's face, Clare hadn't just surprised herself with the sincerity of her words. "Jenna, it doesn't matter who slept with K.C. and who didn't. But I don't want to just leave you to deal with this on your own. Let me help you."

Jenna stared at her, then stared at the ground, as if she wasn't sure what to say. More tears fell down her face, and the cold wind blew them in separate directions on her wet cheeks. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice low and hoarse.

Clare just nodded, a little overwhelmed herself. How was she going to tell Eli they were cancelling their plans to go hang out at the comic book store with Adam to take Jenna to an OB-GYN appointment? But she slid an arm around Jenna and helped walk her towards the school.

Eli was just coming out of the school' front doors, books in hand, when Clare showed up with Jenna in tow. Eli's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and his eyes slid to Clare for an explanation.

"Jenna needs a ride to the doctor," she explained in a hurry. Beside her, Jenna was silent, staring off into the distance as if she was afraid to make eye contact with either one of them. "Her brother was supposed to take care of it, but he had to work. I said we could drop her off there."

It was quiet for a moment. Much to his credit, Eli didn't bat an eyelash. "Sure," he said, his voice surprisingly warm. "We'll take you. No problem at all."

Sometimes, she really did love him.

Jenna finally glanced up at him. "Thanks," she said quietly.

Eli smiled gently. "Unless you mind riding in a hearse," he added.

Clare couldn't help but smile, and neither could Jenna. "Better than the bus," she said.

The three of them made their way to the parking lot. Jenna fell into step beside Clare and whispered into her ear, "You're a good friend, Clare-Bear."


	2. Family & Friends

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of Degrassi, just whatever OCs I have here and about.**

The inside of the doctor's office was like every other doctor's office Clare had ever been in- smelling vaguely of lemons and bleach and, even though she couldn't really define what she meant by it, _sickness_. You could never mistake the smell of a doctor's office for any other kind of building. And it was cold, too- just not the same cold as the weather outside. Metallically cold, Clare thought. Cold like steel. Cold like the kind that would burn your fingers if you touched it on a day that was below freezing outside. Cold and impersonal, sterile, antiseptic.

Jenna walked up to the front desk, then realized Clare was still following her. "Are you, um, coming in with me?" she asked, surprised.

Clare opened her mouth to say no, but instead asked, "Do you want me to?"

The nurse behind the counter pushed a clipboard into their faces. "Name?" She asked

When Jenna didn't respond, Clare stepped forward. "Jenna Middleton," she said.

Clare and Jenna took a seat when Clare suddenly remembered Eli, waiting outside. "Wait here," she told Jenna. "I'll be right back."

She looked at her, surprised. "Why? I didn't really mean that you had to stay. Go, go spend time with your friends. And thanks again for the ride."

"Don't you want someone to be with you?"

Jenna raised her eyebrows. "Do YOU really want to be that someone? I'll be fine, Clare. Really."

Clare hesitated. She didn't really want to be at this doctor's appointment, but then again, she didn't want to just leave Jenna like this. "Just hold on a sec," she told her.

She found Eli still waiting in the car with the engine running. "Everything alright?' he asked her through the window.

Clare shook her head. "I think I'm gonna stay with her. You go on without me. Tell Adam I'm sorry"

"You sure about this?"

She shrugged "I have no idea," she admitted. "I don't just want to leave her here, Eli. I think she just needs somebody right now."

Eli cocked an eyebrow. "And that person has to be you? Where's Baby Daddy Guthrie in all of this?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, god, who knows." She scuffed the sole of her shoes on the asphalt of the parking lot. "I know this is weird. I just think this is what I need to do right now." Clare looked at Eli, hoping he would understand. She couldn't really understand it herself, why she wanted to help. If she could help at all.

Eli shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll come by with Adam to pick you two up. Just give me a call, okay?"

She leaned into the car window and kissed him lightly. "Thank you," she murmured.

He smirked. "You're just being you. It's the risk that you take when you date a saint."

She swatted him playfully.

Jenna was still sitting in the same place she had been when Clare left her, her elbows resting on her knees, staring at the floor like she was trying to memorize the pattern of the tile. She didn't react when Clare took a seat next to her, so Clare just sat there quietly, the awkward silence between them so tangible Clare could practically reach out and grab it with her hands and shake it until there was something to shatter the quiet.

"You don't need to be here right now."

Clare looked downward. Jenna's head was resting in her hands, and she was still looking at the tile pattern of the floor, but was speaking to her. "Why'd you stay?"

She answered Jenna's question with a question. "Where's K.C. in all of this? Shouldn't he be here with you?"

Jenna finally looked up at her. She opened her mouth to speak, then suddenly folded over her belly with her head in her hands. Clare hesitantly reached out, resting her hand on the small of Jenna's back, unsure of what else to do.

When Jenna finally seemed to regain control of herself, she looked up at Clare, surprisingly dry-eyed. "K.C.," she said, her voice steady, "isn't a part of this. His life's being held together by tape right now." At Clare's look, Jenna rolled her eyes. "His words. He told me that he didn't need this right now." She shrugged. "And I can't really say that I blame him."

Clare's mouth dropped open. "And YOU need this right now? Jenna, you're 15!"

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, believe me, I know I'm stupid."

"No, Jenna, that's not what I meant…"

"Jenna Middleton?"

The receptionist's voice broke through their conversation. "Dr. Sharne is ready for you."

Jenna gathered her things and headed towards the room, Clare following closely behind. Jenna threw a glance behind her when she noticed Clare was following, but didn't try to argue or stop her.

The receptionist guided the two of them into a small, dingy grey room. "Take a seat, she'll be with you in a moment."

Jenna hopped up on the table, and Clare took a seat across from her. She wanted to get back to the discussion they were having before the nurse had walked in, but Clare could tell by the way that Jenna clamped down on the silence in the little room that the topic was sufficiently dropped.

"What were you guys planning on doing?" Jenna asked quietly. "You know, before this."

"Eli and I were supposed to meet Adam at the comic book store. We were probably going to get dinner or something."

"So you and that Eli kid are dating?"

"Yeah. I think so, anyway. It's a little complicated with him."

"Yeah, well, relationships are complicated, if you haven't noticed," Jenna said, a small, wry grin poking through her serious expression. "Who knew."

Clare grinned back.

"What do you see in him?" Jenna asked. At Clare's look, she dropped her gaze. "I didn't mean…I don't…I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. If you don't mind me asking…"

"No, it's okay." She leaned back against the wall, trying to find out the right words to use. She knew what she felt, but she wasn't sure she could entirely put it into words…at least, not yet. This was still so new to her.

"He's smart," she began. "And funny. And I know that it doesn't always seem like it from the way he acts in school, but he's kind."

She groaned inwardly. That sounded so _lame_. It didn't explain the reason her stomach flipped every time that Eli cocked an eyebrow in her direction, or the way she got a head rush whenever she noticed that he was gazing at her over the top of her paper he was critiquing, his desk chair leaning back on two legs and his feet propped up on the edge of the library table. Or the way that, the first time he had ever looked at her _that way_- the way that said, so plainly and unabashedly, _"I want you"_- it had nearly burned her straight through the skin and bone and blood, just with the fiery intensity of that single stare. How nobody, not even K.C., had ever made her feel that way, like she was boiling from the inside out and would surely overheat and explode if she didn't turn the fire down.

Jenna leaned forward towards her, her gaze intense and serious, like a small child listening to a story being told.

"He treats me…"she paused, the words just on the tip of her tongue, like the bite of a pepper that burns your lips as you chew it, "He treats me like he sees me. The real me, like who I actually am. There's no fooling him. Most of the people that I meet, they see me as just one thing. They think I'm, like, some perfect little saint or something."

"You kinda are," Jenna put in, smiling.

"I'm not, really, though," she argued. "I'm not perfect all the time. I'm not a goody-goody. And while other people don't always see that, Eli does. But he sees me without that 'Saint Clare' mask, and he still gets me. And I feel like, when somebody sees the person that you are when you think that nobody else can see that, and still wants to be with you, than that's something real. And powerful."

Jenna smiled, a little sad. "I wish everyone could see the Eli that you know. He sounds like a pretty amazing guy."

"Well, you know how people are. Sometimes, the face they show you when you meet them isn't the real face that they have," Clare replied.

Jenna's face turned scarlet, and Clare suddenly realized what she had just said. "Oh, no, Jenna, I'm sorry, I didn't…I didn't mean it like that. I promise."

"No, I get it," she whispered. "I guess if anyone should know anything about not putting on their true face, it's me, right?"

Clare couldn't exactly argue, but she didn't want Jenna to think she was deliberately taking a shot at her. She sat on top of the bed next to Jenna, placing a hand on her knee.

"Jenna."

A slight redhead in a lab coat stood in the doorway. "How are you doing?"

With a steady voice, Jenna replied, "Fine."

"Great." The nurse smiled. "How about we go and get your ultrasound?"

Jenna nodded, sliding off the table. Before she followed the nurse out of the room, however, she turned back around to Clare.

"Can she come, too?" she asked in a small voice.

The doctor looked over at Clare. "Are you family?" she asked.

For a moment, she was too surprised to respond. "I'm her…" she began, her voice trailing off as she was struck silent. What do you call this? Friendship? Not exactly.

"My cousin", Jenna said simply. "She's my cousin, and she came by today with me because my brother couldn't come."

"Hi, there," the nurse said, holding her hand out to shake Clare's. "It's nice to meet you."

It took a second for her to recover her voice. "You, too," she said finally.

The nurse smiled at her. "Good to know that Jenna has other family to support her through this. I'm sure it means a lot to her."

"Yes, it does," Jenna agreed, giving Clare a look behind the doctor's back.

Clare managed a tight smile. "Anything for family, right?"

Family. Ironic.

They followed her to the ultrasound room, where Jenna lay on a chair that reminded Clare unpleasantly of a dentist's, like when she had gotten her wisdom teeth pulled and braces tightened. The nurse told them that the ultrasound tech would be with them in a moment, leaving the two of them alone.

"Sorry for putting you on the spot like that," Jenna mumbled.

"Next time, alert me before you're telling me to impersonate a member of your family." Clare's eyes slid to Jenna's hands, folded over her belly. "So how is the baby doing? So far, I mean."

"Fine," Jenna said. "Fine. Everything's going great. She seems healthy, everything in the right place. She's kicking nonstop." She winced. "Like now. I swear, this kid's going to come out playing on a drum set. She's bouncing around like she's on a trampoline in there." She drummed her hands against her belly. "Boom, boom, boom."

Clare gazed at her curiously. "What's it like?" she asked. "The kicking."

Jenna stared at the speckled ceiling for a moment. "Like a ferret's bouncing around on a set of bongo drums, and it's all dancing on top of one of those giant exercise bouncy balls, balancing on top of your bladder," she answered.

Clare laughed.

"You think I'm joking," she remarked, "but it really does. Where is the ultrasound tech? I gotta use the bathroom for the billionth time today."

"Have you picked out any names yet?"

"Sort of." Jenna rolled her eyes. "My brother's top two choices are Leah and Isabella. I tell him to stop picking names from _Twilight_ or he might make girls a little suspicious."

"You should tell him that you're the one having the baby and you'll name her whatever you want."

"Yeah, definitely. Anytime he wants to have this baby for me, he can name her whatever he wants."

What is this? It was like they were girlfriends, chattering about any inane topic. It was almost innocent. _Almost,_ Clare caught herself.

The ultrasound tech squirted blue gel on to Jenna's stomach, making her wince. "Sorry," the nurse said with a smile.

"It's always so cold," Jenna murmured, her eyes on the screen.

Clare followed her gaze there. The screen was murky at first, blotchy and indistinguishable, like an Etch-A-Sketch that had just been shaken up. But as her eyes adjusted to the grainy image, she could find herself making out distinguishable shapes- the fine slope of a small chin, the arch of elbows and knees, a round head the size of a Clementine, the tiny flexing of fingers and toes, the thrust of legs as they struck out against the protective sac inside the uterus, swimming contentedly inside the soft, muted underwater world inside her mother's stomach. Speechless, Clare just gaped at the image.

_K.C. should see this_, she found herself thinking, surprising herself when the thought crossed her mind so unexpectedly. Where had that come from?

And on the heels of that: _K.C. should want to see this. _

"Clare?"

Jenna's voice sounded far away, like the noise from the end of a long tunnel. "Huh?" she blinked, dazed.

Jenna pointed to the screen. "See? She's sucking her thumb. That's the first time she's ever done that."

Clare watched, momentarily stunned. "Wow," she breathed after a moment.

"Yeah," Jenna said softly. They both sat there in silence, watching the baby floating and twisting in the amniotic fluid.

Jenna's baby. Jenna and K.C.'s baby. Clare had known the mechanics of making a baby for some time now, but this was the first time she ever realized it was more than just rude mechanicals, like the cogs on a machine. This was _life_.


	3. Drowning

**Disclaimer: Don't own Degrassi, just the OCs every now and then.**

"So how did the appointment go?"

Eli was maneurvering through rush hour traffic, weaving in and out of cars in a pattern surprisingly graceful for a car as large and clunky as Morty. Adam sat in the passenger seat, a bag of new comics at his feet.

Clare stared out the window from the backseat, watching the traffic whiz by in a stream of color and noise. She wished Eli would slow down a little. She was used to his fast driving by now, but her mind felt foggy and unable to process everything that she was speeding past, making her dizzy. _It's a good thing I'm not driving, then,_ she thought, blinking blearily as a blue sports car sped past them like a streak of molten cobalt.

Beside her, Jenna curled her legs underneath her and rested her head on the windowpane, one hand absentmindedly resting on the swell of her stomach. Neither of them had said much since they had left the doctor's office (with a report that the baby was, for the moment, perfectly healthy and developed). It was like they had witnessed something out of this world, and didn't quite have the language to describe it.

"Clare?"

Her head snapped up. His eyes were watching her in the rearview mirror. "Yeah?"

"The appointment. Everything alright?"

"Oh." She glanced at Jenna, still staring out the window, ten inches to her left and a million miles away. "Yeah. All good. Baby's fine."

"That's good."

"Yeah," Clare repeated, a puff of breath fogging up the windshield. Silence resumed in the car, save Adam flipping the pages of his comic book and the dull thump of the radio turned down low.

Eli pulled off the highway and headed towards Jenna's exit. "How much farther?" he called to the backseat.

When Jenna didn't respond, Clare nudged her. "Jenna."

She blinked, a sleepwalker slowly regaining consciousness.

"Your place." Jenna stared at her a brief moment, her eyes streaked windows. "How much farther."

"Oh," she said after a beat. "Not too much farther," she called to Eli. "Just keep going down this street and then turn left at the second light. It's the third house on your right."

They pulled into a gravel driveway, the ground crunching under Morty's wheels. Jenna's house was single-story and quaint-looking, almost like a portrait of a cottage rather than actual house. There was a front porch swing swaying in the evening wind, and Clare could see curtains hanging in the window. Clearly, there was a family feel to the place.

Jenna climbed out of the hearse, wincing as her swollen ankles touched the rough ground. Rooting through her school bag, she pulled out a turquoise wallet and handed Eli a twenty dollar bill. "This should cover the gas for your car," she said. "Thanks again for everything today."

Eli shook his head firmly. "No way. You don't owe me anything."

Jenna frowned. "You went out of your way for me. Changed your entire afternoon plans."

"For someone who really needed the help," Eli finished, closing the money back in Jenna's fist. "Really, Jenna," he reassured. "It's alright."

Jenna thought for a moment, then put the money back in her bag. "Thanks," she murmured. "For everything you guys did today. Really, I can't thank you enough for all the help." She was talking at Eli, but her eyes were trained on Clare over his shoulder.

Clare shrugged her shoulders. "Don't mention it," she said, wishing they could just leave. She didn't really know how to end this conversation in a way that wasn't really awkward. Whatever spell had been cast over them in the cold chill of that doctor's office that had made them seem almost friends again had been broken, and now they were little more than strangers again.

Jenna seemed to sense the discomfort, because she backed away from them towards her front door. "Well," she said, and then after a beat, seemed to drop what she was about to say. "Thanks," she said instead.

Later that night, Clare sat at the family computer, the tips of her bare toes grazing the hardwood floor of her father's office. Ever since Darcy's little internet sexy photo scandal a few years back, their parents had taken their girls' shared computer away and had forced them all to share one single family modem, which was placed right in the study next door to her parents' bedroom so they could always be monitored. And Clare knew that her mother now was computer-savvy enough to do a search of past histories, so anything that could be possibly incriminating would be investigated to the fullest by Mrs. Edwards.

Absentmindedly, Clare logged onto Facerange, knowing full-well the black hole of time that it would take away from her homework. She was just scrolling down her news feed when a notification popped up in the corner- ONE NEW MESSAGE.

Curious, Clare clicked on the little red bouncing flag, opening up her message inbox. Inside, there was one unread message sent just a few moments ago.

"The Weight of Water" it was titled, mystifying her, until she read the byline: _From Jenna Middleton._

Unsure of what to expect, Clare clicked on the message, Jenna's words flooding the screen.

_Hey there Clare Bear,_

_Wow, I just re-read that last (first) sentence, and I didn't mean to make it rhyme. It might not send the message that I want to get across; the last thing I want this to do is sound like a Shel Silverstein poem. But instead of erasing it, I think I'm just going to send you this letter, unintentional rhyme scheme and all. Because I'm not really sure of how I'm going to say this, and I want you to understand how sincere (and sincerely nervous) I am about it. _

_First off, I wanted to thank you for today. You really have no idea how much it meant to me that you came along. And when you get the chance, be sure to thank Adam and Eli, too. These last few months have been lonely, lonelier and harder than most people can ever imagine. I've been trying to keep my head up, but lately I've felt like one of those arcade games- you know the kind, where someone has a giant sledgehammer in one hand, and they're trying their best to slam it down on top of my head whenever I try to get a peek at some sunlight. And for some reason, every hit only brings you more points. I mean, really, how sick is that? It's like we have no idea how sadistic these games are until we're on the other end of that mallet, getting walloped by some adrenaline-fueled ten-year-old kid. I know you believe in God, Clare, but these past few months have had be believing less in a benevolent savior and more in the fact that God might really be just another ten-year-old kid with a sledgehammer and a handful of quarters in his pocket. You know the kind- he's the same kind of kid who sits on the sidewalk with a magnifying glass, burning ants for fun._

_(I'm starting to think that the FBI should start monitoring those Whack-A-Mole games, flagging them as a potential danger sign for spotting future sociopaths)_

_I keep trying to hang onto optimism, but every day is just like I'm drifting farther out. I wonder all the time if K.C. even feels anything for this baby at all. He made it with me, and then he goes and turns his back and says that it isn't his problem. Well, he's right about one thing- it's not his problem. It's his CHILD. "It" isn't an "it"; it's a she. I mean, he created a whole other life. There is going to be another person on this planet who might hate her entire life because he is walking out on her, the same he walked out on you and me. He left me out here, and he left her, too. It's like drowning…drowning so slowly that you don't even realize what's happening until you've drifted so far away from the shore that you're just floating like a damn cork, waiting to sink. _

_I just sometimes wonder if I'm going to have anything to hang on to._

_Oh, listen to me go on. I sound so self-pitying. God didn't make me sleep with K.C. I'm the one to blame for my decisions, and I'm the one who has to live with my actions._

_Although I am definitely not the only one who has to deal with the consequences._

_I know that you said you were over it, Clare, but I really did want to say again how sorry I am for everything I put you through last year. You deserved so much better in a friend than I was. I would honestly never blame you if you hated me, but of course, that's the difference between you and me- as you pointed out earlier today. You're strong enough to move on past things. You're so much tougher than you give yourself credit for, Clare. _

_Besides, from the way things looked this afternoon, it looks as if you finally found the right people for you. You deserve the kind of friends you found in Adam and Eli- although we both know that I'm talking a little bit more than friends when I mention Eli. I'm knocked up, Clare, but I'm not blind. And don't worry- believe me, there is absolutely no reason to, because anyone can see by the way he looks at you that that boy belongs to you. I don't know anymore whether I believe in soul mates or soul twins, or any of that stuff, whatever you want to call it, but I do believe in connection- and that sometimes, people just have a tripwire effect in you, taking your whole world and reshaping it entirely. Please cherish that. _

_I really did believe that I was in love with K.C.- and part of me still knows he was the first true love of my life. But still- he never belonged to me, and I never belonged to him. Not the way that you and Eli do. I mean, even the fact that I have this baby doesn't make me really "belong" to him. That's something that you can't just create, it has to be fused that way. Am I making any sense? I feel like I'm just rambling. But please, Clare Bear, cherish that._

_In the end, we both got screwed over by the same guy. But I'm glad that you're over it, and I really hope that you'd consider actually giving us a retry. Things will definitely be different now than they were before, but I'd be lucky to have you around. I hope one day, maybe you can say the same for me. _

_I'm not sure if this came out the way that I wanted to. I'm not the writer. I mean, yeah, I'm a songwriter, but YOU'RE the writer, Miss Honors Grade 11 English __ But I guess what I really wanted to tell you is that I wish you all the best. Because if there's anyone that deserves it, it's you. Thanks again, Clare Bear, and best wishes._

_Sincerely (truly)_

_Jenna_


	4. News

Jenna wasn't in school the next day. Or the day after that, or the day after that. Clare was worried, but she didn't know anyone who knew anything about where Jenna might be, and she had been so busy with schoolwork lately that it seemed like she had no time for anything else, even spending time with Eli and Adam. But on the afternoon of Jenna's third day of absence from school, Clare finally had some free time, so she lounged in her pajama pants and twirled around in her dad's office chair, deciding to kick back and spend some time checking out what was going around on Twitter.

The homepage popped up, and Clare began browsing around, reading little snippets of what the rest of her classmates had been up to. She scrolled down some, and then stopped suddenly when she saw a post by Alli made just a few hours ago.

_Congratulations to my friend, SongbirdJM! The new addition to her life is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Welcome to the world, Jordan Leigh Middleton!_

Clare sat there for a moment, stunned. The baby. Jenna had missed so much school because she was having her baby.

There was a link posted to a picture right next to Alli's post, and Clare clicked on it, the window opening to a photo of Jenna sitting in a hospital bed, holding a small, red bundle in her arms that was wrapped in a yellow blanket. Jenna looked absolutely exhausted: her normally round, cheery face drawn and pale, and she had dark circles under her eyes, but she was staring at the baby as if the camera didn't even exist; like there was no one or nothing else in the world to look at except what was in her arms at that moment.

There were more unread posts over Alli's, many from Clare's other classmates. Just above Alli was a post from Drew, saying, _Congrats SongBirdJM on a baby girl. _

He was followed by Sav's response: _Happy SongBirdJM and baby girl are doing well. 6 lbs, 4 oz. Healthy and beautiful_

On top of this, Dave's tweet: _Congrats SongBirdJM! Baby is absolutely beautiful_

Then Wesley's: _Such a beautiful baby girl for SongBirdJM! So thankful you both are doing well :) _

Bianca: _SongBirdJM Awww, look, Barbie's got herself a new little Kelly Doll…_

Anya: _She's beautiful, SongBirdJM! You'll be such a good mommy!_

Chantay: _Not bad, SongBirdJM. Not bad at all. Congratulations!_

Even Owen had commented: _So SongBirdJM does this make you a MILF yet?_

That last one made her roll her eyes. Clare was about to close the page when she noticed a new tweet being posted, this time from Eli:

_Beautiful baby girl, SongBirdJM. So when do we get to meet her?_

Right above, a response from Alli followed: _Reali Eli Mom and daughter just came home today! She'd love it if you guys stopped by!_


	5. The Message

**Author's Note: So this is the chapter where we finally get to meet the newest Miss Middleton! I admit, I wasn't sure that I wanted to do this at first- I thought I just might end it at Jenna's letter to Clare- but it seemed a little, well, anticlimactic, and this was bouncing around in my head, so I decided to pursue it. Sorry that last chapter was so short, but it was basically setting up for this one, which I promise will be much longer. Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I know that the tweets from last chapter were a bit longer than they allow on Twitter, but I had to take some liberties to get my points across. I really hope that I was the only one who was THAT nit-picky. **

**Oh, and of course- I don't own Degrassi. However, I DO own Jordan Middleton, so don't use her. Again, the whole toys-in-the-sandbox metaphor comes into play here: it ain't yours, don't take it. **

**And of course, don't forget to review.**

**Thanks so much guys.**

****

Eli pulled Morty in front of the small house at the end of the cul-da-sac. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asked her.

Clare unsnapped her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. "Of course I'm okay, Eli."

"Clare!"

A surprised cry caused her to whirl around as Alli darted towards her, Sav trailing behind. "I didn't know you were coming, too!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Clare's neck and nearly knocking her back on the gravel.

Clare wrapped her arms around her best friend, glad to see her. It felt like ages since she had seen Alli, though they texted and IMed almost nonstop and saw each other whenever they could. Still, a few hours every other weekend didn't even come close to all the time Clare had lost with her, or how much she missed turning the corner at Degrassi and having Alli be right there, waiting for her.

"I didn't know you were coming either," Clare told her.

Alli grinned. "Honestly, I'm surprised to see you here at all. You know," she whispered, dropping her voice conspiratorially, "considering."

Clare shook her head. "Considering what?" she told Alli. "It's in the past. And anyway, I figured she could use a lot of people on her side now."

Alli drew back, placing her hands on her hips, giving her a satisfied look. "Wow, look who's taking the high road. Big surprise for St. Clare."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Are we going in or what?"

Clare peered behind Drew. Connor, Dave, and Wesley were all coming up the drive holding a bouquet of yellow roses, balloons, and a giant poster board with "Congratulations!" written across it in pink bubble letters. They nodded hellos, and then Wesley reached for the doorbell.

Alli caught his hand just in time. "Don't use the bell," she told him. "In case the baby's sleeping."

Wesley nodded and took her advice. While all of them were excited to see the baby, none of them wanted to have their visit interrupted by a screaming infant.

A tall, rugged-looking red head answered the door. Clare had met him once before- he had come to the Degrassi car wash last year, back when she and K.C. had still been dating. She remembered his name was Kyle, and he was Jenna's older brother. He looked tired, Clare noted, then immediately thought, _duh._ He was taking care of a newborn baby. Of course he would be tired.

Nonetheless, he smiled brightly when he saw them. "Hey guys. The mom's in her bedroom with the baby. Come on in, make yourselves at home."

Propped up in bed, surrounded by pillows, Jenna looked a little less tired than she did in the photo from yesterday. Her long hair was braided loosely down one shoulder and she had applied some eyeliner, so the bags under her eyes weren't quite so visible. She still looked exhausted, but her face split into a wide, fresh smile when she saw them all come in. "Hey guys," she said brightly, her voice weary but still excited. "Come on in." She gestured to the squirming pile of blankets in her arms. "Come meet Jordan."

Behind her, Alli squealed, racing past her to throw her arms around Jenna's neck. She then bent down, staring at the baby with an expression of glee on her face. "Ooooh, she's beautiful," she whispered, ecstatic, and motioned for the rest to join her.

Sav hooked an arm around Jenna in a one-armed hug, then gazed at the infant. "She's beautiful," he announced.

Dave and Wesley both hugged Jenna while Connor handed her the flowers. "These are from us," he announced unnecessarily, then held up the sign. "And we got everyone to sign this during Homeroom. It's from the entire Grade 10 class."

Jenna smiled. "Thank you, Connor."

Connor's lips twitched into a semblance of a smile. "I'm glad your baby's okay," he said.

"I am, too," Jenna replied, and Connor actually smiled this time.

Wesley's face split into a wide, delighted smile when he looked at the baby's small face as he sidled closer to Jenna's bedside. Cautiously, he brushed back the folds of the blanket to further reveal her tiny, red face, then stopped suddenly. "Is this okay?" he asked.

Jenna nodded, then suddenly shifted Jordan in her arms. "Would you like to hold her?"

Wesley's mouth fell open, shocked. "Can I?"

Jenna nodded. "Come here," she instructed. "Hold her head steady. Like this. There we go. Now hold her up like that. No, not that way. She's not a football, Wes." Jenna giggled, settling her into Wesley's hold. "There."

Sav grinned at Wesley. "Hey dude, just imagine if the ladies at that Bachelor Auction could see you now. I bet you'd go for a whole lot more than just two dollars."

Wesley stood perfectly still, totally absorbed in what he was holding. "Hey there," he whispered, stroking the ends of her downy blonde hair with his fingers. "Hey." Jordan shifted in his arms, and Wesley beamed. "She smiled at me!" he crowed. "She actually smiled. At me!"

Everyone grinned, but Dave replied, "Hate to burst your bubble, dude, but I'm pretty sure that's just gas."

"Oh, I know all about that," said a woman's voice from the doorway. Everyone looked up to see a slender woman in jeans and a grey sweater. "K.C. was a very gassy baby. Very fussy. But this one," she commented, making her way to Jenna's bedside, "hardly ever makes a peep." She smiled at Wesley. "So you're probably right, she did actually smile at you."

Wesley looked elated while everyone else stared, mystified.

"Oh," the woman said. "Sorry. I'm Lisa, K.C.'s mom."

Clare's eyebrows shot up as she glanced up at Jenna, confused. Jenna gave her a look saying she would explain later.

Lisa motioned for Wesley to hand over the baby, and he slid Jordan into her arms. "Now, which one of you boys wants an up-close demonstration of how to change a diaper?"

Almost automatically, all of the boys took a step backwards towards the door, making Clare, Alli, and Jenna all laugh. Lisa shooed them out and laid Jordan down on the changing table, and Clare felt immensely grateful that she would not have to take part in the demonstration. _Any girl who considers having sex without protection should try smelling a newborn baby's used diaper, _she thought wryly.

Alli slid closer to Jenna. "Since when is Baby Daddy Guthrie a part of this?" she whispered.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "He's not," she said. "I called Lisa the night I had the baby. Turns out, K.C. hadn't even told her I was pregnant."

Alli made a disapproving noise, and Clare shook her head.

"So does K.C. know she's here?"

"I think so. She told me when she first came to see me that she didn't care what kind of problems K.C. and I were having; Jordan was her grandchild, and she intended to be a part of her life." Jenna shrugged, leaning back on the pillows. "I'm really lucky to have her, though. She's been so much help, just in these past two days. It's almost like having a mom to help."

They were quiet for a moment. "Any word from her?" Alli asked softly.

Jenna shook her head. Alli slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed them sympathetically.

The boys filed back into the room, followed by her brother. "Knock, knock," he said, grinning at Jenna.

"Hey, Kyle," she said, motioning for him to come closer. "Everyone, this is my brother, Kyle. Kyle, this is Alli, Drew, Dave, Connor, Wesley, Eli, and Clare."

They exchanged polite hellos, then Alli asked, "so…is it okay if I get a chance to hold her?"

Lisa laughed, passing the infant gently into the cradle of Alli's arms. Alli laughed, rocking her softly. "Ooooh, look at your tiny little hands," she cooed.

Sav reached over and gently touched her face. The baby kicked, a reflex, and her tiny hand wrapped around his index finger. "Tough grip," he noted, grinning.

Connor hunkered over his shoulder, peering at the baby. "She looks just like K.C.," he observed.

Clare knew that Connor wouldn't recognize it due to his Asperger's and inability to pick up on social cues, but she could tell that everyone else in the room felt it, too- the way that the air suddenly became supercharged, like someone had stumbled over a wire and ignited a spark. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kyle's face change at the mention of K.C., a shadow passing over his face like a storm cloud.

"You know," Connor continued, oblivious, "They say that most babies are born looking just like their fathers. It's like nature's way of establishing paternity."

"Yeah," Kyle said drily. "We're hoping she'll grow out of that."

"She probably will," Connor said. The whole exchange might have gone over his head, but it was enough for Alli, Jenna, and Clare to all exchange a meaningful three-way glance.

"Hey, Alli," Dave cut in, diffusing the tense silence in the room with a light tone, "how about you stop being such a baby hog and let me hold that kid?"

Alli nodded, relieved, and Dave held Jordan as he perched on the edge of the hospital bed. "Hey gorgeous," he said.

"Look at those big eyes," Alli said.

Jenna nodded. "Big and brown," she agreed, then under her breath, so quietly that only Clare heard her, she muttered, "Just like her daddy."

"Did you know that most babies are born with blue eye?" Connor remarked.

Alli rolled her eyes. "No," she said sarcastically. "Enlighten us, please."

"Most babies are actually born with blue eyes genetically, but in the first year or so, their eyes can chance to a more permanent eye color, which will eventually be the eye color they carry for the rest of their lives."

Eli peered at Jordan over Clare's shoulder. "She does have beautiful eyes," he remarked. Then, much to Clare's surprise, he motioned for Dave to pass the baby to him. "May I?" he asked Jenna.

She nodded. "Sure."

Eli accepted the baby from Dave as gently as if she were fresh-blown glass, cradling her against his chest. "Hey there," he murmured. He watched Jordan intently, his face for once completely readable and peaceful. Clare watched, amazed. She'd never seen Eli be so gentle with anything before.

From the corner, Kyle cleared his throat, and everyone glanced over at him. "I hate to spoil this little reunion, guys, but she should probably go down for a nap soon, so it looks like visiting hours are over."

Everyone nodded, gathering their things. Eli handed the baby back to Jenna, but not before stooping to place a gentle kiss on the top of the infant's head. "Take care," he told Jenna.

Alli gave Jenna a quick hug. "Give me a call whenever you want me to stop by and see you," she said.

Clare took a step closer to the bed, unsure of what to do. "If you ever need anything…" she began.

Jenna just nodded, cutting her sentence in two. "I know someone I can count on," she told her. "You really are one of the best friends, Clare-Bear."

Clare didn't know what else to say after that. "You know my number," she said finally. "If you ever need anything…"

Jenna nodded again, getting the message. Life had moved on, the symbol of time passed now fidgeting restlessly in her arms.

The two girls exchanged another smile, and their hands clasped on the edge of the bed. They gave each other a quick squeeze of reassurance, before Clare gently brushed the light fuzz on the top of Jordan's head and headed out after Eli.


End file.
